On November 17, 2016, tragedy shook my 3 year old marriage. My husband was arrested on felony charges partly due to his own mental disabilities, at a time that we were both lost in grief after multiple miscarriages and one fatal accident which took our son during the second trimester.
My husband and I had been through so much together! But as couples who are hurting sometimes do, we began to spend less and less time together. As his caregiver and legal payee(he lacks the mental ability to even handle his own check), I feel I should have done more to help him, but I was selfishly wrapped up in my own pain. It looked as if there was no hope for our marriage as my husband began to spiral and self medicate.
Then came his arrest.
Feeling overwhelmed and completely alone with no friends or family, I fell to my knees and asked God “What do I do?”
I looked up into the trees and noticed that the twigs had somehow fallen part of the ways down, forming a perfect heart. “Love him,” I heard a voice say.
My husband is now in prison and we are both heart broken. We have been communicating through a piece of glass since that day last November. He was taken December 12, 2017 and I haven’t seen or heard him since. Some days were sad, other days were happy. He had to deal with my emotions. I had to deal with his Bipolar mood swings and natural childishness that goes along with his disabilities. Through it all, we grew closer.
It’s very hard to watch a 40 year old man, cry like a child and say “I just wanna go home,” when no one in the world cares about him except for you. He is shattered. For the longest he was confused at what he’d done wrong. He has had time to think now and understands his wrongs, but he still doesn’t understand why he can’t come home.
I feel until I can afford a “real” lawyer who will take a strong look at his mental status, there is little I can do except love him and keep him comfortable. (update: his lawyer allowed him to plea out to the judge so it would take a hellofa good lawyer to reopen his case now). He was sentenced the MAX for his points.
It is like watching a loved one suffer from a horrible disease, hoping all along they will get well. The life is draining from this once vibrant man and it is the fear of being in prison that is doing it. He has gone through prison before (with no support),and the therapists there were moving for incompetency but someone blocked it from the looks of the records.
He was diagnosed with NOS Autism at the age of 23, and those records have since gone missing. I will fight for my Love, because no matter who researches him online and reads what a paper wrote, and thinks they know everything – I know his heart. I know his love for God and his love for me.
That is not to say that his actions did not cause a wound in my heart. I have suffered greatly, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. In short “he destroyed me”, but I am strong and I know God wants me to forgive him and love him. I cannot bear to imagine a tomorrow without my husband. He is my world. I will not call his actions “a mistake”, but he did make some very wrong choices based off of his “super man mentality” and his child-like mind.
The state has locked away a man who cannot verbally or physically defend himself. He has been threatened many times this past year! Once while we were talking on the phone, someone threatened him because he owed them a Ramen Noodle Soup! God takes care of my husband. He watches over him. An older man stepped forward, having seen the disruption, and gave the man a soup to close the debt. People have always stepped forward to protect, defend, and befriend my husband because — they look at his heart.
Love’s Deep Waters